Sexy Oscar the Grouch
You may have like Sesame Street as a child but obviously were not paying attention. As an observant child, I noticed this character was…well, kind of a jerk. I mean he lived in a trashcan and was grumpy all the time, makes sense right? I’m sure there’s nothing someone finds sexier than a foul smelling rude garbage can dweller.
Other Holiday Mascots on Halloween
I can’t even imagine what honestly goes through the minds of people who dress up as Santa for Halloween. Not only is it inappropriate, but no one likes people like you. You have my personal permission to just sit this holiday out. Everyone sees Santa on Halloween and thinks you’re either insane or just don’t own a calendar. You just don’t GET Halloween, okay?
(See Also: Easter Bunny, leprechauns, pilgrims, and other totally bizarre holiday mascots)
People Who Dress Up As Famous Brands
Congratulations, you not only PAID to look like an idiot but essentially paid a company you already clearly support to advertise for them. I like diet coke with lime as much as the next person, but I would not be caught dead going anywhere near any form of merchandise to advertise them. The shame I feel towards my occasional purchase is bad enough. Keep your Campbells soup can costumes too, no one is going to read into any kind of Warhol reference and you look like an idiot. Also based on your obvious love for said Campbells soup your kidneys might be shutting down.
Women as “cats”
You like cats? I like cats! What a coincidence that every other woman in your office had the same idea, right? False. “Being a cat” is the biggest cop-out costume known to man-kind. You get ears, paint a nose, whiskers, and if you’re feeling saucy a tail. Basically this laissez-faire attitude towards Halloween costumes is part of why I don’t enjoy the holiday as much as an adult. Actual cats would probably be more creative given the chance.
*No offense Pam, you know we love you.
(Note: this of course applies to the most basic of basic cat costumes, which white girls obviously love because it’s oh so easy for them to fashion with their pumpkin spice lattes and Uggs)
(See Also: Women as “Cats”)
I’m sorry to break it to you, but wearing a hat is not a costume. If you actually care enough to make this work then by all means, go for it. We all know Jessica Lange made it work.
Okay, Finding Nemo was an adorable and overly quoted movie. If you didn’t like Finding Nemo, I’m sure you’re at the very least being monitored by the government (see also: terrorist). Fish are probably one of the top 10 least sexy creatures ever for both genders.