I may be in the best and worst state of mind to discuss this subject.
I may be a little out of line to create a fake illness and name it after a Nick Hornby novel. I may be a little out of line to write this post in the first place.
For those who aren’t familiar with High Fidelity (the novel or movie starring the great John Cusack) you have a lot to learn before you even understand half of what I’m about to say. If you haven’t seen the movie then I highly advise you to. It kind of became one of those security blanket movies around age 15 when I started to relate to the main character, Rob Gordon. See Rob Gordon is a record shop owner who recounts his top 5 past relationships throughout the movie. It’s a lot more complex than that (at least I’d like to think) but it’s definitely worth a good watch.
I was raised on music like the Beatles, Rolling Stones, and other classic rock growing up. Only around age 14 was introduced to Taking Back Sunday. My cousin gave me Tell All Your Friends and it pretty much changed my entire perspective on music. Taking Back Sunday led to Blink-182, Blink-182 lead to Brand New. Brand New led to a plethora of other notable emo artists and so on and so on. Anyway, my music taste started to deviate from the mainstream (at least I thought at the time). The funny thing was…I thought what I was listening to was just so rare and fantastic that anyone who liked the same things I did MUST be cool. I didn’t know any better and still don’t apparently. I developed superficial crushes on people based on their taste in music. At age 21 I still do, I mean not just that but it’s definitely something that’s a plus. Oh you can make me laugh and were cool enough to listen to some obscure band from my youth? Well that’s pretty cool. I just I never really grew out of my fascination with people who enjoy the same weird things that I do.
I guess it all started with my first boyfriend. I was 15 and I had a thing for skateboarders for whatever reason. I thought his spikey hair was adorable. Once we started dating we realized we were both quite fond of bands on the label Drive-Thru records. We would sit listening to The Early November and Hellogoobye. There were so many great bands on that label back in the mid-2000s that it was pretty insane. I was in that first-relationship-haze that we all get caught up in. Learning Something Corporate songs on our acoustic guitars was just so adorable and it was a great relationship for the good year or so that it lasted. I then moved onto dating guys who played in bands. I really was into those band dudes despite the fact I knew how to play guitar and piano myself. I feel like I just found any common musical interest to be a key in forming a relationship without even knowing it. At age 21 I’m finally coming to the realization that this isn’t very pertinent. Before I end up single owning a record shop creating top 5 lists, I’ve realized what I’ve been doing wrong.
I’m probably just delirious and tired. I’m probably just over-analyzing everything like I usually do.
I’m probably just sick of waiting.
“It would be nice to think that since I was 14, times have changed. Relationships have become more sophisticated. Females less cruel. Skins thicker. Instincts more developed. But there seems to be an element of that afternoon in everything that’s happened to me since. All my romantic stories are a scrambled version of that first one.”
[to be continued.]