The feeling. My thinking is clouded. I try to sleep each night and am plagued by thoughts I should have let go. It is all those sad songs. All those movies about heartbreak. I wish I knew what was wrong. When I say “I wish” what I really mean is “I know”. I know exactly what is wrong. I get like this. I have more ideas than I know what to do with. We all have problems. Some of us have different ways of dealing with it. It’s this neurosis. It’s the degree to which I overanalyze everything in my life. It’s this longing and the fact I don’t want anything. It’s this anxiety and the sick feeling I get deep in the pit of my stomach. Lots of things confuse me right now but at the same time my head has never been more clear. I’m ready to feel the sun on my skin and spend more time with the people who make me feel human. I’m happy. I promise you I’m happy. I have so much to look forward to but on rainy days you know the worst in people tend to come out. I’ve been writing more songs than I have since I was 16. It’s the constant that isn’t constant. It’s my attempt at thinking clear and my inability to grasp the concept of reality. I’d rather spend time with my iTunes library than a lot of people I know. You can judge this if you want but at the same time you should know that I could care less.
I’m on the verge.